I met my wife over 26 years ago as a result of a blind date and our 24 year anniversary of marriage was last week.
It is almost cliche’ for some guys to joke about having married up but I can tell you for sure that is the case for me. I often feel unworthy of this woman I get to spend my days with and want to ensure I am doing my best to live up to being the man she deserves.
This week is the start of our 25th year of marriage and a good time to reflect back on what has made our marriage a success and mistakes I have made along the way. It takes a proactive effort to live a life together that thrives through the grind of day to day living and serves as a positive example for those around you.
I do not want to cheat my wife.
As long as we are going to be together until death do us part I want this life to be a good one filled with joy, satisfaction, and success. As I have thought about this deeply over the years there are five ways I want to be sure and not cheat her. My inner expectational failures have fortunately served as important lessons. If these ways to cheat are common to me, they may be common to you as well.
Want to know how to cheat your wife out of being her best and out of having the kind of man she deserves?
Don’t support her dreams
Fellas, it may surprise some of us to learn that the world does not completely revolve around you. Our wives have dreams too.
They could be career goals to find amazing success in high levels of leadership, they may be dreams of travel to exotic locations in far off lands. She may want to write a book or start a company. You will never know unless to simply just ask the question and then listen. Support her dreams and be active to help them come true.
Don’t live as partners
The Leave It To Beever days of the man coming home with dinner on the table and then time with a paper while the Mrs. diligently works away cleaning, changing diapers, shopping for groceries and taking care of every child issue all while wearing a pretty dress and pearl is long gone.
Make absolutely sure that you are part of family inc through your assistance around the house and with everything you can do together. I have no skill when it comes to loading the dishwasher correctly but I am a master vacuumer and moper.
A key partnership here is also around finances. Money issues are one of the top causes for divorce so it is critical that you have complete transparency in your finances and that you are working together on your get out of debt and save for the future goals. Separate accounts send a message that this is mine and that is yours. No, it is all ours. Even if the “yours” is debt or issues that were there before the marriage. Be of one in everything.
You were pretty awesome back in the day. Remember when you worked to look and be your best as you perused this person? You wore sharp clothes on dates, combed your hair, worked out to look good, and most importantly put on the charm.
Quite often while out I will see a couple having a nice dinner. One is dressed to kill with a flattering outfit, hair done just right and an overall nice look. The fella, on the other hand, appears to have just rolled out of bed, thrown on a raggedy shirt, and has put no thought at all into the self-marketing to the wonder woman sitting across the table.
It is important that we never stop pursuing each other.
If you have children, be public with this praise by sharing in front of them why you think your partner is so wonderful. Remember, you are modeling how they will treat their own partner someday in the future.
Don’t let her have her own life
Women are far more social than most men. This means they may have friends away from your circle or perhaps hobbies that have no interest at all to you. Hey, that is okay! She needs to be free to be her own person and have her own interests. Encourage the hobby, the book club, the girls night out and make sure she can do these things without any feelings of guilt coming from you.
On the inverse, be respectful with your own interests to ensure you have a balance to make sure whatever it is you do does not dominate your time taking you away from your responsibilities.
Don’t honor her when she is not around
One of the best definitions of integrity is what we do when no one is watching. Our thoughts, our actions, and our behavior matter at all times and this is especially true with our relationships. It may seem harmless to vent about your wife to your co-workers. It may seem harmless to click on that website or watch that movie when she is not around. It may seem harmless to watch the beautiful lady as she strolls by.
Smalls steps can quietly lead to roads you do not want to travel. Be better and don’t sway a bit. Ask yourself this. If she were here or if she could read your mind would your actions make her proud?
And for sure, never, ever, put down your partner in front of in conversations with your child.
Final thoughts
What about you? Are you a wife cheater? What are some areas where you feel you could improve to ensure you are not cheating your way out of the marriage that God intended for you to have?
Leave a comment to share with others.