goals

Life after 50

~ David C.

There are many men that when they pass a certain age lose their way. Statistics show that divorce rates and depression for men after 50 are growing with male suicide rates now peaking after 50. Little is known as to the reason why but my best guess is that many men turn to this decade of life, join the empty nest then look around and say, “now what?”.

Looking back there were once dreams of big jobs, big houses, big bank accounts, and small waistlines. Instead for many men we look around and find life has not quite turned out as expected.

We think

“Retirement is coming but I have no plan”
“Our child-centered marriage has changed and left my wife and me with little in common”
“Our friends were based on our child circle and they have moved on”
“The job of my dreams is now just a grind”
“The body I see in the mirror is of an old man. The athlete in me is gone”

“Now what?”  “Now what?”

Most men by nature keep these deep fears to ourselves and avoid sharing. If not addressed properly these inner demons can grow toxic leading to despair, poor health and broken relationships.

Wake up, brothers! These can be the best of times as you dig deep into the new you. You can get on track to retire with dignity with some intense actions.  You can fall even more deeply in love with your wife as you discover the joy of pursuing her again. You can use your new time to find renewed joy in your current work or perhaps a new path to a dream you thought would never happen. You now can take time to honor your body with a turn to a new level of health.

The truth is that in this day with information and examples of success so easy to find there is no excuse for not educating ourselves, setting new goals and then taking massive action to make it happen.

Fifty and beyond does not mean life’s journey is coming to an end. Instead, it can be a time to spring into an even more fulfilling life. Make the decade of your 50s the best years of your life with even more joy to come.  Go for it!

How to write goals for success

~ David C.
If you read my previous post you understand the importance of goal setting to reach success. You must also be committed to joining the 9% club by following through with what you want to achieve.

Everyone is different and how you organize your goals need to be your own but I thought I would share what has worked for me over the years.
A Key thing to know is that goal setting is not a one-time event. Goals are to be in progress at all times and there is nothing wrong at all with having things that will take years to accomplish. This is why having them in writing and updated regularly will help you.
If you need a model for structuring your goal there is always the classic SMART format.
Specific–What do you want?
Measurable–How will you know you have achieved it?
Attainable–Is this goal even possible?
Relevant–Will the goal make a positive difference for you and/or others?
Time–when will you start, what are milestones along the way and when will you finish? (this is important)
I go a little extra by adding an E and an R.
E–what about this goal excites me so much that I am willing to make sacrifices and overcome the obstacles that will come my way?
R–what is the reward?  When the goal is accomplished and just as importantly when the goal is in progress what is going to be the outcome benefit of having gone through all this effort.
Breaking your goals down into great detail takes a lot of time but the long-term benefit to going through this process will help you see things to the end.
I also break my goals up into specific categories to ensure I have a well-rounded focus for the year. These categories are:
Faith–how will I grow this year to be closer to God and to serve others?
Family–how will I grow as a husband and as a father?
Career–how will I demonstrate excellence in my work to better serve those around me?
Finances–how will we keep our life debt free while building a future for retirement?
Fitness/health–how will I stay fit and healthy?
Fun–What adventure will we have for the year?
I know this can sound like a lot and I guess it is. However, since I have been using these same categories for many years and since I review these often, really after the first time subsequent years become simply tweaks.
If all this seems overwhelming I suggest you start with just one category and then dig deep into your SMARTER plan to make things happen. Once you see the results of this effort you will get motivated to expand your planning to every area of your life. Soon as you start checking off milestones along your journey you will meet your three new best friends–Mo, Men and Tum.
When they join your team. Nothing will stop you!
So what are you waiting for?

Stop Resolution Failure and have a breakout 2018

~ David C.
“The person without goals will end up working for someone that does”
Yes, it is that time of year again. As we near the flip of the calendar many people get excited about the psychological turn to a New Year and set goals. I think we have all been there with plans to lose weight or to finally make that life-changing career move. It is reported that 41% of us “usually” set New Year’s Resolutions and 42% of us never set make a resolution.

Sadly of the those that do set goals, only 9.2% feel they have experienced success in achieving them. Given this very poor result, it is no wonder so many do not bother and it shows the power of optimism that so many keep trying.
I am a goal setter. It is not something I do as much as it is part of who I am. Going back over 15 years I have my goals and result of these goals documented. It is interesting each year to reflect on some of my older objectives as they provide insight into points of time in my life.
Some success highlights looking back are:
  • Go back to school and get Masters degree 
  • Run a marathon
  • Complete a half ironman
  • Become 100% debt free
  • Enable son to go debt free to college
  • Pass the SHRM-SCP exam
I could also list many goals where I missed the mark or that are still in progress. My lesson learned looking back is that goal setting is not something that is set and forget.
We (I) fail when the goal is fleeting and not backed up by action to make it happen. I can see over the years that it has been the goals that were backed by a massive why and followed by a well-executed how that became a reality.
Here is how to turn your resolutions into success.
It really does all start with why.
Your reason for any goal has gotta be so powerful that it drives you to your end state no matter what obstacle may rise to get in the way.
Losing weight is cool and all but WHY? Eating poorly and not exercising is easy. To change this behavior we must replace the pleasure trigger of addictive food with something better than that extra slice of pie.
Getting a promotion is cool but WHY? Is it just for some extra money or extra prestige?  These things sound great but for most people are like the sugar from the pie. Money and ego lifting pleasure last for just moments and then soon there comes the crash of the daily work grind. What will this promotion mean for you in the years to come? How will it make a difference in the lives of others and for the success of your organization?
Going back to school sounds hard, is going to cost money, will take a lot of time and does not guarantee any change at the end. So why?  I went back for my Masters as an adult for the stereotypical reason of job growth but my compelling why was for my son and for my wife. I saw it as a way to have a better future for them and I knew studies show children of educated parents are more likely to experience success with their own education. This is especially true if the going back to school occurs with the child old enough to be aware of your work in progress.
After you have figured out your why the next most important thing is to have a well established and documented how. A why in the head is nothing more than a wish if not backed up by action with the hands and feet.
The good news here is that whatever you want most likely has been achieved by someone else starting in your situation or even worse. Want to lose weight? Find that person that did so years ago and has kept it off. Want to get out of debt? Look for a person that has done the same and as a result, has achieved something you want.  
There is no reason to start from scratch for anything when there are so many people that have failed and succeeded to do the same as your want. It is simple.
Find out what people who fail do wrong and don’t do that!
Find out what people do right and do that!
This is the ultimate R&D. Most of my success has been by ripping off and duplicating the strategies of others while also avoiding their mistakes.
Do not know any successful people? Then dig deep through reading, podcasts, and your own people research to become a success expert. With the world of information we have at our hands, there should be no barrier to your movement forward.  
Are you ready to join the 9% club? Write down the why along with a vivid and compelling description of the end state of your life after this goal has been completed. Next, write down a detail how including some simple milestones that can be celebrated soon along the way. Finally, get busy by taking massive action to make it happen.

Make 2018 your year to be on the journey to be the best possible you.

The Voice

~ David C.
The voice–We have all heard it. It comes at us in those moments when we take a new step toward achievement or when we are thinking about taking a risk. For some people the voice is good and motivational. It tells you that you are worthy of success and that you can meet your goals.


For many others the voice is different and debilitating.


“Don’t bother with the diet. You have failed losing weight in the past and this time will be no different”


“Don’t go on that blind date. You suck at relationships and are destined to live alone”


“Don’t sign up for the run. You have never really exercised before and it is just not possible.”


“Don’t go back to school. Your previous educational experience was a struggle and you are not smart enough to succeed.”

“There is no point to getting out of debt. You will never be financially free”


Your inner voice can get so full of don’ts that eventually it shoves out all the dos leaving you in a pattern of regret.


Here’s the deal. The real truth is that you can succeed and you can finally move forward to follow the right voice. The mere fact that you hear it pulling you to joy should tell you there is a destiny inside just waiting to be released. If there were no hope there would be no voice.


We live in an age of ready at the moment inspiration. There is no need to unlock the secrets to success. Why? Because at every turn there are examples of people just like you that wanted to change and somehow found the trigger moment that propelled them to win.


You are no different


You have it all within you


There is no better time than right now at this moment to make the choice to make the change you want. Why wait? Why wonder? Set a small goal that you can accomplish not this year but this day. S

Something that would be a small and perhaps private accomplishment that just hours from now you can look back and say, “yes I did it”. If you can do that….you can do more.

Momentum is a wonderful thing and it will never start without your first step of courage.

On twenty years of marriage

~ David C.
Twenty years ago last week Michelle and I started the amazing journey of marriage together. Just a few years prior to that grand day we had met on a blind date through a mutual friend. Now many years later we are at a beginning again of sorts as we are stepping into life together as empty nesters since our only child has now moved off to college. It is very appropriate in a way to have this anniversary and the transition to a new life together in the same year.
These many years have been amazing and full of adventures, joy, heartache, togetherness, challenges learning and most of all love.
I can remember clearly in the years leading prior to meeting Michelle wondering if I would ever meet someone that I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. There were times when I thought it would never happen. That simple blind date led me to a person that I had been praying and hoping for all my life. 
I relish my time with Michelle. She is the perfect spouse, mother and friend. She believes in me when I am at my end. She loves me in the good times and in the bad times. She smiles on, laughs and stays positive when others would turn the other way and give up.

I read the other day that 41% of all 1st marriages end in divorce and to me that is tragic. Marry the right person to start and then stick together as partners no matter what life will throw at you. The key is having faith in God and faith in each other. With these two things combined the result is always a win in the end. 

Time to burn the boats?

~ David C.
Ever seen the movie Hunt for Red October? It is one on my favorite of all time.
Early in the movie Captain Ramious during a gathering of his officers rather casually informs them that he has left a letter with the Soviet high command informing them of their plan to defect to the United States and turnover their high tech submarine. The officers are enraged as they know this will bring the entire Soviet fleet down on them in an effort to destroy the ship and prevent the defection.
Next, Sean Connery in that famous accent of his tells the legend of Cortez and his arrival to the new world. As the story goes, in 1519 Cortez with 500 men and 11 ships traveled to the South America intending to conquer and capture treasure.
Cortez knew this was going to be a great challenge for his men and decided to take action in a way that would ensure complete engagement of his army. He left them with no alternative other than complete success. He ordered them to burn the boats. As Captain Ramious so eloquently frames it in the movie, this left his men “highly motivated”
Too seldom in our lives do we decide as Cortez did to throw away all fear of success and burn the boats. Instead we let our fear and our focus on past failed attempts keep us from fully living life as it should be lived.
 

As we move into a new season of change with another year nearing a close, I want to challenge you to burn the boats and never look back. Just imagine what you will accomplish. 

The mountains are calling

~ David C.

The mountains are calling…..

And I must go

I love this video from The North Face. Indeed there is something about the mountains and the outdoors that call your soul to return once you have experienced them up front and personal. I am not referencing the mountains seen from a car window or a condo but instead the kind that can only be experienced from a backwoods trail.
Hiking summer of 2012
Close my eyes and I can quickly return to a star filled night during the summer of 2012 sitting in a New Mexico mountain meadow in complete silence surrounded by nothing but nature. No machines, no electronics and even no animals. Simply silence.


It turns out you can have some pretty good talks with God when there are no distractions in your way and complete evidence of his glory surrounding you. Take such an outing with some youth and you will also be amazed to see the difference hardship, fun and learning while breathing in some clean mountain air will make. It clears the mind and it clears the soul.

Months later you will also find it somehow keeps changing you. You will find yourself longing for that moment to happen again and again and again.

Keep calling mountains.

I will keep coming.

Get your but out of my way

~ David C.
Years ago I used to facilitate a course that had a section about attitude. I began the session with a little exercise with the folks in pairs to share a story. The conversation had to be about a plan for the future and for round one no matter what person #1 shared the second person was to respond “yes but!”

“I am really looking forward to the weekend with my family”

“Yes but it looks like it is going to rain all weekend so you will not be able to do much.”

“My son is doing great is school right now”

“Yes but you know college is going to be super expensive and most likely he will struggle to get a job when/if he graduates.”

The round two response had to be a positive “yes and”

“I am really looking forward to the weekend with my family”

“Yes and with the rain you could play some really fun board games with great conversations.”

“My son is doing great in school right now”

“Yes and that is a terrific indicator of a positive future ahead.”

You kind of get the idea huh? The point of the conversation was to help people identify if they are a “yes but” or a “yes and person”

Sadly yes buttends to be my nature with my internal voice. Thankfully in in part due to this exercise I am always striving for the yes and instead. It really is amazing the difference switching that word can make in your attitude, outlook and life.
Even more sadly is the number of yes but’ers I see around me all the time. These folks are joy killer constantly striving to have everyone sink to their low level of negativity.

I say…..Keep your but out of my way!

What about you? Are you a yes and or a yes but person? How to you keep negative people out of your life?

Don’t let a but get in your way.

Get fit in 2013 thanks to these local clubs

~ David C.

We are lucky in OKC to have a terrific grassroots community of people that enjoy getting fit together. Your goals will be easier to meet when shared with others. You will also get the added benefit of making new friends and learning tips from others that have found success.
Intimidated? Do not be! These groups include all skill levels from the couch potato wanting to run a 5K for the first time all to way to elite ultra-athletes. The famous Oklahoma hospitality is alive and well indeed.


The OKC Running Club:  Landrunners
Thinking about running the 2013 OKC Marathon? The Landrunners offer free training runs that are wonderfully supported.
Oklahoma Bicycle Society: OBS
New to group riding? Try the famous donut ride.
Oklahoma Earthbike Fellowship: OEF
More than just an off road riding club, the OEF has promoted trail riding in the OKC area for years and works to maintain the system at Bluff Creek and New Draper.
TRI-OKC
Did you know OKC is home to a national champion triathlon club? Yep that is what they accomplished in 2012. With over 300 members and many local races to choose from, this is your best place to hit the goal of triathlon and duathlon.
Need to see the races for 2013?  Check out the homepage of DG Road Racing. They help produce most events in this area and are a great resource.
This list is by no means comprehensive. Do you have a favorite club that I have not mentioned? Feel free to add!
Just remember you are not alone! Get out! Get social and knock off some bucket list goals in 2013. You can do it!