My IgniteOKC 3 Experience

~ David C.

“I always knew I had my father’s love. What I really wanted though was his time”

This was one of the more powerful comments I heard from an audience member after my Igniteokc 3 talk recently.

Ignite is an amazing grass roots event where everyday folks are given the opportunity to speak on a topic with just 5 minutes and 20 slides that move automatically. Topics are as diverse as the speakers and range from how to’s to important social issues.

All the speakers this year did a fantastic job and showed great courage to jump out and speak. Thankfully the crowd was friendly and the atmosphere electrifying.

The talk I submitted was based on a recent blog post of mine that I felt a particular passion about and had received a tremendous amount of positive feedback.

Clearly based on the reaction this topic struck a chord and I am so thankful to IgniteOKC and the those involved in the selection process for picking my topic.

I hope you will watch and share the talk with a dad you love. We need to all understand the the incredible gift of parenting and strive to do our best no matter how far we fail or how hard it may seem.

A Happy Valentine’s

~ David C.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and as usual I rounded up some goodies for the Mrs. including dark chocolate and a sweet card. My son and I joined together on our expedition of love two weeks ago.

This was a teachable moment about some Valentine giving rules. Number one of course being:

1. Don’t be lame!

It cracks me up every year to see the panicked men at the drug or grocery store the evening of the 14th pilfering through the leftovers for a card that will give a slight glimpse into the heart of love he has for his sweetie.

The lesson for the son was to be sure and plan for the big day well in advance to ensure the only the best card and best candies make the cut.

My wife of course believes the same as is evidenced by the wonderful card she chose. Clearly given that I had picked out the very same card for her we are two brilliant masters of love that are just meant to be together.

Later that evening came the greatest gift of all when our 13 year old son in his prayers thanked the Lord for having parents that love each other.

Teaching our sons about how to be loving husbands as well as hopeless romantics through even goofy and by chance examples are indeed a great gift.

When was the last time you told your wife how much you love her within ear shot of your children?

When was the last time you prayed in front of your child and thanked God for giving you such a wonderful and beautiful wife?

What are some other ways we can pursue our wife’s as a positive example? I would like to hear your ideas too. (so I can steal them of course)

Bad dads piss me off

~ David C.

There I said it.

My father died when I was very young shortly after my mother and father had divorced. As hard as I have tried, I have no memories of my father and I do not recall my mother ever sharing stories with me as a child about the kind of man he was.

One of the very few pictures
of me with my dad.
That is my back

Growing up a fatherless boy in a single parent household had a tremendous impact on my youth. It did not help that I was overweight, awkward and very shy. Not having a father became a focus to everything I perceived as wrong in my life. I just knew if I had a dad around he would be teaching me everything I wanted to be and was not. I would know how to be athletic, fix things, be thin, talk to girls, be smart, make friends, and more. Eventually when I was in 8th grade my mother remarried but unfortunately the man that became my stepfather and I never connected.

Fast forward to August 19th 1997. On this day I became a father. I will admit that I was terrified about being a dad to a son. What kind of dad would I be given that I had no positive example to follow? The moment when I held him in my arms the first time all my fear went away and I committed to do everything I could to be the dad to Conner that I had fantasized for my own as a child.

Fast forward to May of 1998. That was the moment when I learned I had cancer and my chances of living beyond even a few months were very slim. Suddenly the prospect of a fatherless childhood became a reality for my own son. Would he now have to suffer through the same kind of childhood that was my memory?

Now here is the pissed off part—
With this background, it breaks my heart to see dads that do not appreciate the awesome responsibility and joy of fatherhood. Dads that neglect their child through lack of time with them or lack of effort need to realize what they are doing. They are impacting a child that could carry this pain forward to future generations. The truth is that most boys will grow to father the only way they know how through your example.

I am fortunate that my past experience created a passion to help mentor boys through Scouting and to encourage dads any way I can.

Now is your time to change or to help another dad discover the best in himself. I have made in the past and will make in the future many mistakes as a father. However, to my core I will never stop learning and trying to be the best father I can possibly be.

Dads—you too can reach your fathering potential. Learn, grow and strive to be more.

Don’t piss me off

I love Mondays

~ David C.

I have a confession. I love Mondays.

What? Yes I know most people hate Mondays and comments putting down the day are quite common. Of course there are those “back to the salt mine” and other references to the drudgery of another work week that we hear often on this day.

Here’s the deal. I see every Monday as a little Jan 1st. It is an opportunity to start fresh and step into week of new goals and promises. The mistakes and missteps of last week are gone and my life is once again a blank page. What will I accomplish this week? What meetings to I need to plan? What performance at work do I need to impact? How many miles does my training schedule say I need to run? What is my nutrition plan to be healthy? What steps can I take this week to honor God?

These are just a few questions I find myself asking every Monday morning.

I choose to live for the weekends AND I choose to live for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well.

Face it. The majority of our lives take place during the in-betweens. I will not waste these days with complaints or just getting by until Friday does arrive.

I hope you too will take a moment to look at Monday with fresh eyes and attitude!

Are you an “I hate Mondays person”?

If not, what are some things you do to start the week excited?

Going for Great

~ David C.


“If you keep doing what you have always done you will keep getting what you have always got”

This is one of the most powerful statements I have ever heard and I posted it up as a theme as I wrote my 2011 goals.

I think one of the greatest dangers in life is success as it can lead to complacency. You reach that weight loss goal, stop eating right and soon the weight starts to creep back on. You finish the marathon and the post run workout break soon becomes months of inactivity. You finally get that job you dreamed and worked so hard for and then stop learning and growing. I have seen this in my own life many times.

Good is indeed the enemy of great.

I am planning to get radical in 2011. I do not want to be comfortable and content. I want and plan to seek the pain of challenge and of risk.

What about you?
If you have not taken a deep personal assessment of what you are going to do differently do it now and post it somewhere that will drive you forward. Step out this year and stop doing what you have always done.

God did not make you to be simply good. I believe He made you to be great and to make a real difference during this very short time you are on this earth. A difference for him through your talents and your passion.

Don’t just be good—be great!

What is one challenge you plan in 2011?

Getting healthy thanks to Android and my HTC EVO from Sprint

~ David C.

Like many of you I am using the New Year as an opportunity to refocus on my health and shed the pounds I picked up thanks to all the yummy holiday food over the previous two months. This year I have a new arsenal of weapons in my war against girth thanks to my wonderful HTC EVO and the Android market.

The key to losing weight I have found over the years is not to diet but instead focus on healthy eating habits and to make in an all in family lifestyle choice. Diets simply do not work because they are temporary and mentally indicate you are “on a program”. Programs have a beginning and an ending vs. a lifestyle which is simply ongoing.

Losing weight through a life style change then becomes easy and simple. Keys for me have been:

• No fried foods

• No sodas—Including diet

• Minimal processed foods and sugar

• No snacks after 8PM

• Four small meals a day

• Focus on fresh fruits and vegetables

• Lower intensity cardio over a longer period of time

• Weight lifting

• Still enjoying pizza and other “bad food” gilt free from time to time

It is simple math really. You should take in less calories than you are burning during the day. I could go into the points above in great detail but that is not why you are reading this : )

So how do you figure the math? Thankfully there is an awesome free app for that called Calorie Counter. This app links you to fatsecret.com and will sync all your data inputs.

The app has a food diary for entering your caloric and nutritional intake, exercise diary for tracking your calories burned, diet calendar for an overview of your progress and a weight training to graph how well you are doing. 

Almost every food you might encounter can be found in the database to make tracking a breeze. It even has really cool bar code scanning embedded for you to easily do uploads.

With all this help at your fingertip there should be no excuse for a healthy 2011!

Have you tried this app?

What other healthy lifestyle tools have you found that are device friendly?

What is your big health goal for 2011?

Twelve years!

~ David C.

Twelve years would seem to be a long time. For me, it feels as if it were just yesterday in many ways. It was twelve years ago on the 24th that I completed my final radiation treatment after several months of battling cancer. My journey started with a lump and then moved on with surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, prayer, tears, fear and hope. (not necessarily in that order) Being a cancer survivor is very much part of who I am as a person.

I will not rehash my story since I wrote extensively about it last year. I simply want to thank the Lord for continuing to bless me with this wonderful life. Quite honestly I still struggle at times to understand why I was chosen to be healed and to beat the statistics.

The life we have is an incredible gift and cancer survivor or not we should all live as if it could be taken away at any moment.

Would you live your life any differently if you knew you were terminal? Fact is we all are but just don’t know the date. Make the most of the gifts you have NOW and don’t live a life of regrets. Too many people wait until they know they are dying before they start living.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away. My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath.” Psalm 39: 4-5

If you really knew me…

~ David C.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry David Thoreau

If you really knew me…..

This is the most well-known line from the Challenge Day program thanks to the MTV program of the same title. The students do not walk into the room and then suddenly just open up to tell the world their inner fears, hidden dreams and personal battles. The statement only begins after several hours of skillful door opening by the Challenge day team.

I saw these doors open with the students in my “family” group as we moved through the day. They opened their hearts and soon were sharing challenges as well as support for each other. For the sake of the promised confidentiality, I will not write about who I was with or what was said. What I will say is that I know their attitude about teenage life was different by the end of the day. The common theme was. “I did not know so many others had these same issues.” “Now I don’t feel so alone.”

As adults facilitators, we fully participated in the program including crossing the line and completing the “if you really knew me” statement.

What did I share? I told that kids that if you really knew me, they would know that as an adult and parent I often live my life in fear too. Fear of losing my job due to the poor economy. Fear of failing as a parent. Fear of failing as a husband. Fear of feeling the lump again as I did that morning 12 years ago. Fear of not fulfilling the positive destiny God intends for my life and on and on.

My point with this openness was to let them know we all have our doubts and sometimes parents let these fears create unhealthy behaviors through overwork, avoidance, harshness, withdrawal, conflict and more.

Seeing that even the 43-year-old stranger sitting here was not all that different or in fact perfect seemed to connect with them.

I think the Thoreau quote describes most of us. The fact that is you too are not alone.

If brave enough to release your song even you may find yourself in the midst of a joyous chorus of love and healing soon thereafter. It all starts with that first note!

If I only knew you what would you say?

Taking the Challenge

~ David C.

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to serve as a volunteer facilitator for the Putnam City North Challenge day which was sponsored by the Putnam City Schools Foundation The Challenge day program has been around for more than 20 years and recently became even more well known thanks to a feature program on MTV of a visit to PC West. The target audience for this amazing day was the freshman class which is one of the largest to attend PC North in several years.

It is hard to be a kid these days. This is something I am well aware of as a person that does a lot of work with youth. Having seen the show and spoken to a previous Challenge Days volunteer, I had a pretty good idea of how the day would go and the questions that would be presented. My initial guess was that most of the kids would have seen the MTV show and as a result would also have known what to expect. It turns out that I was still surprised of the result of the day. My surprise I would say was not near as great as that of the kids that were part of this day.

I was assigned to a group of five and was nervous about how we would connect. Looking into their eyes, I saw the potential of who they could be and at the same time felt deeply the pain of who they were (or at least thought they were). By the end of the day four of the five were in tears and expressed much about the challenges they were facing. I heard stories about broken relationships, broken hearts and broken dreams.

I could go on and on about the courage and first steps of change I saw but will save that for a later post. What I want to express for you today is the incredible opportunity we have to make a difference for these kids. Now is the time to look in the mirror and truly ask yourself what kind of parent and example you are being for your child. Are you doing all you can to support them? Do you love your spouse as you would hope your child would be loved someday? Are you as close to God as you would hope for them? When was the last time you asked your child about his or her dreams and then sat with mind and ears open to just listen?

Changing the world sometimes starts as simply as making changes at home and admitting our own fallacies.

My change starts now with my own son and wife. What about you? Will you join the challenge?

Who am I?

~ David C.

Who am I?

I took this picture recently at an OU football game. I don’t know of you have ever had a chance to see the new scoreboard there but the thing is HUGE.

Who am I?

This question struck me as I saw it blazing across the scoreboard. It reminded me of the many times in my life that suddenly I have found myself asking this question.

Who am I?

I have struggled with this most of my life and have actively sought through a variety of methods to answer the question. There have been many hours in prayer asking God and there have been assessments such as Disc and MBTI. (I am an INFP btw)

And yet I find myself asking…

I have finally come to the realization that self-actualization will never happen for me. I am indeed wired to question and to seek. I wish I knew why the Lord wired me this way. Why He chose to give me this driving desire to always question who I am and what His purpose is for me but in the end it does not matter since I am who I am.

Many people experience depression this time of year with the turn to winter, the holidays and of course the sad state of the economy. My prayer this week is that we all will experience a moment of true thankfulness. Don’t worry about who you are, who you were or who you are going to be. For a moment, just pause and be thankful without question.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving