attitude

Stop Resolution Failure and have a breakout 2018

~ David C.
“The person without goals will end up working for someone that does”
Yes, it is that time of year again. As we near the flip of the calendar many people get excited about the psychological turn to a New Year and set goals. I think we have all been there with plans to lose weight or to finally make that life-changing career move. It is reported that 41% of us “usually” set New Year’s Resolutions and 42% of us never set make a resolution.

Sadly of the those that do set goals, only 9.2% feel they have experienced success in achieving them. Given this very poor result, it is no wonder so many do not bother and it shows the power of optimism that so many keep trying.
I am a goal setter. It is not something I do as much as it is part of who I am. Going back over 15 years I have my goals and result of these goals documented. It is interesting each year to reflect on some of my older objectives as they provide insight into points of time in my life.
Some success highlights looking back are:
  • Go back to school and get Masters degree 
  • Run a marathon
  • Complete a half ironman
  • Become 100% debt free
  • Enable son to go debt free to college
  • Pass the SHRM-SCP exam
I could also list many goals where I missed the mark or that are still in progress. My lesson learned looking back is that goal setting is not something that is set and forget.
We (I) fail when the goal is fleeting and not backed up by action to make it happen. I can see over the years that it has been the goals that were backed by a massive why and followed by a well-executed how that became a reality.
Here is how to turn your resolutions into success.
It really does all start with why.
Your reason for any goal has gotta be so powerful that it drives you to your end state no matter what obstacle may rise to get in the way.
Losing weight is cool and all but WHY? Eating poorly and not exercising is easy. To change this behavior we must replace the pleasure trigger of addictive food with something better than that extra slice of pie.
Getting a promotion is cool but WHY? Is it just for some extra money or extra prestige?  These things sound great but for most people are like the sugar from the pie. Money and ego lifting pleasure last for just moments and then soon there comes the crash of the daily work grind. What will this promotion mean for you in the years to come? How will it make a difference in the lives of others and for the success of your organization?
Going back to school sounds hard, is going to cost money, will take a lot of time and does not guarantee any change at the end. So why?  I went back for my Masters as an adult for the stereotypical reason of job growth but my compelling why was for my son and for my wife. I saw it as a way to have a better future for them and I knew studies show children of educated parents are more likely to experience success with their own education. This is especially true if the going back to school occurs with the child old enough to be aware of your work in progress.
After you have figured out your why the next most important thing is to have a well established and documented how. A why in the head is nothing more than a wish if not backed up by action with the hands and feet.
The good news here is that whatever you want most likely has been achieved by someone else starting in your situation or even worse. Want to lose weight? Find that person that did so years ago and has kept it off. Want to get out of debt? Look for a person that has done the same and as a result, has achieved something you want.  
There is no reason to start from scratch for anything when there are so many people that have failed and succeeded to do the same as your want. It is simple.
Find out what people who fail do wrong and don’t do that!
Find out what people do right and do that!
This is the ultimate R&D. Most of my success has been by ripping off and duplicating the strategies of others while also avoiding their mistakes.
Do not know any successful people? Then dig deep through reading, podcasts, and your own people research to become a success expert. With the world of information we have at our hands, there should be no barrier to your movement forward.  
Are you ready to join the 9% club? Write down the why along with a vivid and compelling description of the end state of your life after this goal has been completed. Next, write down a detail how including some simple milestones that can be celebrated soon along the way. Finally, get busy by taking massive action to make it happen.

Make 2018 your year to be on the journey to be the best possible you.

Being thankful

~ David C.
This week is Thanksgiving and there is no doubt that many folks will take time to reflect and be thankful. That is a very good thing.


The truth is that the spirit of thankfulness is something we should have every day of our lives and there is no need to make it a holiday. At the same time, the coming together of family and friends plus a chance to eat three slices of pie in a day is something I do not plan to pass up.


Daily thankfulness and an attitude of gratitude are important for a happy life. Gratitude or “the state of being grateful” would seem like a simple thing, unfortunately, there are way too many people that just do not get it.


When we place ourselves in a grateful state the world seems less burdensome and the future is brighter. I believe that anyone can dig deep no matter their current situation and find a reason to be grateful.


Not only does this state feel good but there are many studies which show people who live with a spirit of gratitude experience healthier and happier lives. This is one of the “duh” type revelations yet for some reason I do seem to find a lot of angry people.


What if the person flipping you off on the drive home were to instead focus on gratefulness about having a car rather than to be walking? Just having a car will put you in the top 10% of the world population. That is a pretty cool thing.


I see little items of gratitude as bricks to build my house of happiness. That is why I keep a list of my thanks. Over the years this list has grown and when I have a down moment I pull this list up and reflect on the hundreds of blessings I have captured. How in the world can I possibly feel down when there is so much good?


Some examples right from my list
  • Hugs
  • My wife’s smile
  • Dirt between my toes
  • Cookies
  • Mondays
  • Hope
  • My dog


My gratitude list is long and as I look at the words in most cases I can go back to when I added them and for just a few seconds return to that grateful moment.

So here’s the deal. Be thankful this week, eat your pie and enjoy the holiday. After, start a list and consider every day to be Thanksgiving. Happy is easier than bitter and far more fun.

Riding and aging

~ David C.
That is me at the bottom right
Last night was the last Bike Lab group ride of the season. I made it to more group rides this year than any year in the past as part of my goals for 2017.

I had tremendous gains in my cycling fitness this year and more importantly, for me, I got out of my comfort zone to participate in group rides with people I know we’re faster than me.


All at the ripe age of 50.


Through all these years starting more than 30 years ago, cycling has been something that has brought me fun and fitness. It all started back in college when I finally got fed up with being overweight and out of shape. It was a $75 mountain bike from Wal-Mart that first got me moving.


Since that time I have owned several bikes and have ridden thousands of miles. Along the way, I experienced adventure, learned about perseverance and continued to battle my weight. I can’t imagine what my life and fitness would have been like had I not strapped on a helmet for the first time and hit the road all those years ago.

I do not fear the years to come as now I also know many people in their 60s and 70s that are still riding strong and enjoying the sport. Many of them can outdo me on any ride and any race. The lesson of 2017 for me is that it is never too late to push forward with a goal. Time is no the enemy and barriers only exist in the mind.

Now I am already setting new goals for 2018 and know the some of the best times in my fitness live are still to come. Bring it on 60! I am going to be ready for you.



Quit focusing on your weaknesses

~ David C.
Let’s face it. 
We all have faults that make us at times less than the person we would like to be. 
Awareness of these issues for me has been a bit of an obsession which I know is a result of my personality type. I have taken assessments galore, sought feedback from those around me and spent considerable time in self-reflection.(a true INFP)  
Awareness of my gaps have been critical to my growth over the years and many times has served as motivation for education or behavioral changes. However, there is an important watch out that took me a few years to understand. 
Back in my early days of introspective I more often than not found myself focused completely on “fixing” all the things that in my mind I saw as negatives. When I was a trainer, I would take the one or two negative comments and obsess over the feedback totally ignoring the value of the many positives. 
When I became a manager, I took the DiSC assessment and scored very low in the directive quadrant which is somewhat unusual for a manager. Picture being at a leadership conference with folks divided by DiSC tendencies and finding yourself standing alone in the high I (influence) corner while across the room the Ds were packed full. 
Yep, that was me. 
“I have got to get more D!” is what I would find myself thinking. 
Back at work, I created an action plan to be more assertive and directive. This behavior was uncomfortable, unnatural and more importantly just plain did not work for me. Fortunately, at the time, I had a good manager that during a 1:1 pointed out that I was not very good at being the typical D leader and instead should focus on the skills that had already served me well. 
What I failed to consider when striving to improve is that my uniqueness serves a great strength and part of my success. Working to grow where I perceived myself as weak resulted in opportunity time lost when I should have instead been working to identify what made me strong.
Yes, it is important to be aware of your gaps and to grow in those areas but your greatest potential to excel comes from your strengths. This is referred to as the 70-25-5 principle. 
Focus on what you do best by spending 70 percent of your time on your strength areas, 25 percent of the time in areas to improve and the remaining 5 percent on your inherent weaknesses. 
Key is to use tools like StrengthsFinder, DiSC, MBTI, 360-degree surveys and other methods to identify these areas and then next determine a plan. If you obese over all that is “wrong” with you then you will miss out on the 70 percent that is right. That is your sweet spot. It is the area that will give you the best possible return of effort to take you to the next level of success. 
After identifying your plan put it into action with checkpoints along the way to ensure you are on track in all three of the 70-25-5 elements through continuous improvement reflections. These should involve not only surveys but also a neutral party such as your direct manager, a work peer or a coach that has an opportunity to observe you.
Focus on where you are best and soon you will find that you are not only excelling but can then use these same skills to bring out the best in those around you.

The Voice

~ David C.
The voice–We have all heard it. It comes at us in those moments when we take a new step toward achievement or when we are thinking about taking a risk. For some people the voice is good and motivational. It tells you that you are worthy of success and that you can meet your goals.


For many others the voice is different and debilitating.


“Don’t bother with the diet. You have failed losing weight in the past and this time will be no different”


“Don’t go on that blind date. You suck at relationships and are destined to live alone”


“Don’t sign up for the run. You have never really exercised before and it is just not possible.”


“Don’t go back to school. Your previous educational experience was a struggle and you are not smart enough to succeed.”

“There is no point to getting out of debt. You will never be financially free”


Your inner voice can get so full of don’ts that eventually it shoves out all the dos leaving you in a pattern of regret.


Here’s the deal. The real truth is that you can succeed and you can finally move forward to follow the right voice. The mere fact that you hear it pulling you to joy should tell you there is a destiny inside just waiting to be released. If there were no hope there would be no voice.


We live in an age of ready at the moment inspiration. There is no need to unlock the secrets to success. Why? Because at every turn there are examples of people just like you that wanted to change and somehow found the trigger moment that propelled them to win.


You are no different


You have it all within you


There is no better time than right now at this moment to make the choice to make the change you want. Why wait? Why wonder? Set a small goal that you can accomplish not this year but this day. S

Something that would be a small and perhaps private accomplishment that just hours from now you can look back and say, “yes I did it”. If you can do that….you can do more.

Momentum is a wonderful thing and it will never start without your first step of courage.

Transitioning to the Empty Nest

~ David C.
Our first empty nest trip together
2015 was a big year for us as it was the year our son graduated from high school and moved on to college leaving us as empty nesters. 
As the time approached my mind was filled with thoughts  about how our life and potentially our relationship would change. Our only child household had in many ways been centered on the life of our son with activities and the joy of having his friends around.
There are a lot of marriages that are held together by having the child in the middle. That is a great danger if not handled with care which can lead to couples falling apart after the children have gone. On the other side, there are marriages that post children move into a new season that is full of richness and of new adventure together. It can be the beginning of the best of times together as a couple. 
Six months into our empty nest life and our fear of the change has gradually abated. We have grown new relationship habits and continue to look forward to the future while not dwelling in the past. Life is indeed good and just getting better together all the time. 
Here are some key tips that have made the transition work for us.
Have your own life
A lot of couples are so centered on their children that once they are gone they a left with no identity of their own. They have no friends or hobbies or activities that did not center around the child. Key here is to start the transition in the years prior to the child leaving by taking stock in your current life what considering what life will be like once the kids are gone. Trust me that this is not hard since the last couple of years of high school are a blur especially after the driver’s license.
This is a time so encourage the child to do more on their own so they can be prepared for life away from home. Everything from doing their laundry, having a part time job, cooking, budgeting and being away without your guidance is good. The bonus is that you can use this time as a couple to do more together and plan for your future.
Communicate
This can be especially hard for us guys. Fellas you might find this hard to believe but your wife may not be feeling worse or better than you about the change. You will not know how she really feels unless you take some time to ask and just listen. The greatest gift you can give your wife during this transition is to just be present and allow her process her feelings about the change on her own schedule and in her own way. Asking and listening will ensure she knows you support and love her. 
Have a plan
There is nothing more energizing than having a plan for the future. It is the best tool for forward motivation because life is way better when excited about something you are going to do or have in the future. If you have never sat down as a couple and created a written plan for your future now it the time to do it. We broke our plan into categories including places to go, things to do, stuff to buy and financing our future. Make sure to have short term as well as long term goals and things that are big dreams as well as things that are simple possibilities.
Get back to basics
Men this is a time for sure to take stock in yourself and your efforts in the relationship. Perhaps you have been a little lax with being a partner around the house. It might be time to pick up some more responsibility with things as simple as grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.
Show your wife through your actions and words that you think she is more beautiful and more wonderful than even in the early days of your relationship. Make effort to praise her and to tell her how much you are looking forward to spending the rest of your life with her. It is okay if your life with kids made you strangers to each other. Perhaps it is just time to “date” again and experience the excitement of new beginnings with your spouse.

Yes the transition to the empty nest is a big change but with just a little work and a positive outlook it can be the start of your greatest season yet. 

On twenty years of marriage

~ David C.
Twenty years ago last week Michelle and I started the amazing journey of marriage together. Just a few years prior to that grand day we had met on a blind date through a mutual friend. Now many years later we are at a beginning again of sorts as we are stepping into life together as empty nesters since our only child has now moved off to college. It is very appropriate in a way to have this anniversary and the transition to a new life together in the same year.
These many years have been amazing and full of adventures, joy, heartache, togetherness, challenges learning and most of all love.
I can remember clearly in the years leading prior to meeting Michelle wondering if I would ever meet someone that I would marry and spend the rest of my life with. There were times when I thought it would never happen. That simple blind date led me to a person that I had been praying and hoping for all my life. 
I relish my time with Michelle. She is the perfect spouse, mother and friend. She believes in me when I am at my end. She loves me in the good times and in the bad times. She smiles on, laughs and stays positive when others would turn the other way and give up.

I read the other day that 41% of all 1st marriages end in divorce and to me that is tragic. Marry the right person to start and then stick together as partners no matter what life will throw at you. The key is having faith in God and faith in each other. With these two things combined the result is always a win in the end. 

Hyperconnected and still alone

~ David C.
The way we connect to information and to each other has been revolutionized over the last several years. This has come about thanks to the advance of mobile communication devices and social sites like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, Blogger, Periscope and on and on. 
We are socially connected more than ever before in history with our fancy devices fundamentally changing the way we communicate. The sad part is that social automation and other technologies are in many cases not bringing people together. For many, it is instead creating an inverse effect with possible “friends” in the thousands but in reality no real relationships.
I am a man. You may be one as well. As men, we are especially at risk to fall into the trap of loneliness and isolation. We are manly men and we are not expected to ever express feelings, show pain or step away from our role of responsibility leading our family from the front into the battles of life. Sure times have changed to soften much of this for many but the reality is that most of us are just hard wired to be closed emotionally and to press on no matter what we are facing.
The results can be devastating as men struggle and find unhealthy outlets for their disconnected loneliness. Emotional detachment from family, affairs, addictions to porn, and alcohol abuse are just a few of the unfortunate outcomes.
Even less talked about is suicide rates among men. Men commit suicide at a rate that is 4X higher than woman and in the US men account for 79% of all suicides. These numbers do not include unreported attempts.
As men what can we learn from all of this? I believe that we must recognize the importance of having a male confidant in our lives. A person that we can have a meaningful and still masculine relationship that allows for openness and sharing. It can be uncomfortable to have truly deep and meaningful conversations with another dude and that is why for most of us this needs to happen while also doing manly things. 
Think being in the outdoors hiking, hunting, chopping wood, building something or just plain doing manly stuff. We are not sit around a smelly candle sipping wine kind of people.
Men let me challenge you to reach out and make a change. You just might save a marriage or even save a life. 

Time to let go

~ David C.
August was big for us as our only child left the house to begin a new life in college. This event had loomed for a long time and to be honest I was not really sure of what would be my reaction.
Excitement? Depression? Fear?
The possibilities were broad and fortunately the realities turned out to be mostly positive for us. His excitement was completely contagious and I could not help but smile on my way home thinking of him back in the dorm room with this great next big step into adulthood. He said he could not wait to ask friends over to see his “place.”
The reality is that moving on and growing up is a good thing and being human there is nothing wrong with parents experiencing all the stages of separation that is expected. You name an emotion and I have most likely felt it over these last several weeks as we prepared for the big day.
I have tried my best all these years to be the father to my son that I never experienced as a child. I tried to be there for him when he needed me. I tried to be a loving example as a husband so that he would have a model to follow in his own marriage. I tried to love God and show how to have a foundation of faith. I tried to spend time serving others to show life is not all about me. I tried to encourage him to be independent as a thinker and a person so that he could make choices establish his own beliefs. I tried to teach him about money by avoiding extravagances and keeping out of debt.
Most of all—I tried
Looking back I know there were many things in my list of perfect parenting where I failed. There are things I wish I had done more and things I has wish I had done less.
However
Now is not the time to look in the past or dwell on the should haves. Instead now is the time to look forward to the future and have confidence that we set a solid foundation that will serve him through his future failures and success.
I know his mother and I will miss him but the future of seeing the ongoing result of all these years as he discovers his own way is even more exciting to ponder.
He just better not forget that the door is always open for a return to the Copeland house and I am sure I will still slip him a twenty when mom is not looking.

Good luck son! 

Goodbye 2014

~ David C.
As years go, 2014 is going to go down as one of my most challenging yet. It began in early January as I stepped on the scale and came to the stark realization that my weight was right at the tip of my limit. The preceding months had been difficult with work experiencing a time of layoffs again and my health being impacted by pain in my knees which in turn had led to a complete lack of exercise and a visit to the cellar off my internal motivation.


Looking ahead to the New Year, I knew I had to take control of my life and not let another 12 months go by that I would look into the mirror with regret. I had great optimism knowing the year was set to be full of several wonderful milestones. This was the year we were going to be debt free, experience high adventure in Canada, see the start of Conner’s senior year and begin the transition to being an empty nester. I had no idea at the time that it would bring another layoff at work and a family crisis at a level we had never experienced before.


Taking control of my health again by eating properly was the first step to my comeback. Soon the weight was coming off and amazingly my knees were pain free. By early spring I had experienced a 20 plus pound weight loss and we had met our goal of being 100% debt free.


There was some positive momentum for sure.


Summer was amazing as I traveled to Canada with the Scouts and thanks in part to my renewed health had a terrific time canoeing over 90 miles with my son and some and a great group of Scouts. We had an adventure of a lifetime and every minute was a treasure.


I quickly appreciated the debt free life as out of nowhere there was several thousand dollars in car expenses for unexpected repairs. Frustrating for sure but then again still cheaper than car payments.


Fall approached and so did the start of Conner’s Sr. year. I had been kidding for several months that I would cry at every event since I would know each was a “last” but thankfully that did not happen and instead Michelle and I soaked it all in savoring every moment.


Then the year ended with unexpected stress. Even though we had experienced a layoff as recently as March, the company decided it was needed again with an even bigger cut. I have been through these many times and they are never easy. Thanks to being debt free, knowledge that I would have a generous severance package and knowing all my big father/son trips were now in the past, my stress level for this round was high but not as high as in 2013.


Well that was until the accident. While on a school leadership retreat, my son had an accident falling off a cliff. The news was terrifying as we learned he had shattered one vertebra, fractured another, broken a bone in his foot, broken his jaw and had slightly collapsed a lung. He was very lucky to be alive.


A hospitalized child along with a layoff in progress made for a stress cocktail that was incredibly hard to digest. However, the accident also brought forth an outpouring of love and support from people that was overwhelming and impossible to describe. Family, friends and even strangers shared prayers and kindness that uplifted our family in this time of great need. Our family strength and faith and God also rose to bind us through this situation.


Together we have pressed on and as the year comes to a close I can say we are stronger, closer and more appreciative of this world than ever before. Triumphs help us see the rewards of our faithfulness while tragedies amazingly do the same as well. I am reminded again that you really cannot appreciate one without also experiencing the other.

It looks like 2015 is going to be a watershed year as well. What will it bring? I do not have any idea. What I do know without a doubt is that I will remember that with faith, love, family and friends we will face every challenge. It is going to be a great year for sure.