A ran across this video from Tony DeShare recently. It was really cool to see these wonderful proposals and the joy on their faces as they take that great first official step to marriage. It did not take long though for the little cynic voice in my head to jump in and remind me that statistically more than half of these journeys will end in divorce. Many of these will also have the added tragedy of a split family with children torn in the middle

Why is it that so often things go wrong? My marriage is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I know that Michelle is my wife for life no matter what challenge we may face in the future. We are in this together and work hard to make sure our relationship continues to grow.

Now I do not want to throw stones in my glass house. What I do want to do is especially encourage my guy friends out there. Love your wife, never stop pursuing and hold on to that joyful feeling you had in those early days.

Watch the video closely and remember.

Heck, maybe even stop on the way home from work today, grab her some flowers and say while on your knees, “Even _____years later, I am so glad you said yes to me”

So tell us fellas–What tips do you have for keeping a strong and joyful marriage?

So tell us ladies—What tips do you have for us guys?

Have you ever seen the movie Gladiator? It is one of my all-time favorites and I have watched it many times. The lead character Maximus is one of those guys every man would wish to be. He is a true man’s man that is willing to die in the name of honor as he seeks to avenge the death of his beloved Emperor and family.

My favorite scene in the movie takes place as Maximus is standing in line with the other Gladiators awaiting his first fight in the grand coliseum of Rome. Slowly he rubs some soil in his hands and soon after a terrified man in front of him pees on himself out of fear.

There is no fear in the heart of Maximus. Instead, there is a steadfast resolve to face whatever challenge waits on the other side of the gate.

Soon after the epic arena battle has been won the evil Emperor and murderer of his family asks “who are you?”

And here is his famous answer:

In many ways, I see this as a picture for the battle that is our lives. Every day we are stepping into an arena full of enemies and obstacles seeking our destruction. Every day is a battle to be faced and fought with full abandon.

The only way to win is to truly know with every inch of ourselves who we are and why we are here. Only then can we face it all with a conviction so strong that we would rather die than give up who God intended us to be.

At the end of my life, I want to die fully spent knowing that I gave it all for what was really important in this world.

I am Gladiator!

I am husband, father, and servant. I connect people to success. I live my life with passion, persistence and joy.

Do you know who you are?

No Troop 168 campout is complete without a police line through the entire area where we have been camping and gathering over the weekend. The Scouts form a line and walk across the area slowly looking to pick up every scrap of trash along the way. The goal is to leave the area looking even better than it was before we arrived. The phrase “Leave it better than we found it!” can be heard at the end of almost every outing as the Scouts prepare for cleanup.

As the Scouts walk slowly, there is also a designated person that no one is to pass. This ensures the line stays relatively straight and that everyone has time to thoroughly check the area. If trash is found after the line has completed the job then guess what happens next? You are right! They do the whole thing over again.

“Leave it better than we found it” is not an official Scout saying like “Be Prepared” or “Do a good turn daily” but to me it is just as striking

How different things would be if we strived to ensure we leave every person we have contact with better than we found them. What if we took that extra moment just to open our hearts and ask a friend, co-worker or stranger, “How are you today?” What if this question was followed with a few moments of real listening?

How different things would be if we just traveled through our day with a genuine smile on our face as an outward expression of the joy we feel inside about another opportunity to make a positive difference?

What if we never moved forward in life without checking the line to make sure everyone is moving forward and has a true sense of belonging?

For me at least, I know I could do a much better job serving the world around me to in some small way leave it better than I have found it.

What about you?

It looks like this video has just gone nuts on the internet this week with views, comments and debates. Clearly this father is angry with his daughter’s Facebook reaction to her family’s rules. Just as clearly when you read the comments that are flying in as reaction this has struck a chord with many people. I guess I am most surprised by the many words of support that other youth are leaving for the dad.

What do you think? Was it appropriate for the dad to do this? Has it opened your eyes a bit to the danger of social media when people post emotions and have public family quarrels?

Is this a loving father demonstrating consequences for actions or a reaction that helps demonstrate the root of the teen’s frustration?

I am curious to know what you think.

“God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should listen twice as much as we talk”

In my professional life I worked as a leadership skills trainer for several years. One of my favorite and to this day most impactful courses were the ones that discussed listening skills. This is been a hot leadership topic for years and back then we did not have the additional distractions of today with instant messages, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Angry Birds and a whole slew of other things in our hands beckoning for attention.

It seems now more than ever that listening to others is a skill that people are losing. You see it all the time with teenagers that are sitting together but the entire time instead of talking they are tapping away at something on their phone. Adults my age are just as bad. Just a few weeks ago I was at a birthday party for a good friend and noticed more than half the folks there were on their phones a great deal of the time vs. enjoying the conversation and company of each other.

I know I am certainly not immune to this as well. I cannot tell you how many hours I have wasted engaged in a twitter conversation or game of word feud while at the same time sitting on the couch or in a restaurant with my family. This is quite shameful really when I think about it.

When was the last time you had someone put their entire self into just being there for you and listening to what you had to say?

I call this being fully present. It is treating this moment and this conversation as it were the most important conversation in the history of conversations. Well, that is a little creepy but you know where I am going with this.

So how can we be fully present?

Eliminate distractions—Turn away from the computer, put down the device and don’t answer the phone if it rings

Listen with your eyes—there is power in eye contact. If you turn and concentrate intently on the speaker they will know you think what they are saying is important

Listen with your heart—People often are communicating something to you beyond the words they may be speaking. It is only when fully present with open hearts as well as ears that we can understand someone else.

Remember it is not about you—Sure, maybe you could care less about the random story the 12 year old may be telling you but to that kid (or adult) it may in their mind be very important. By simply listening, you may turn out to be the only person that ever really shows you care for this person and that my friend is very powerful.

Shut up! Most people don’t listen and instead are just waiting for their turn to speak next. It is only when you give up yourself that you can understand the other person.

My challenge to you is to dedicate one day to being fully present with others and use every interaction as an opportunity to really listen. I know if you do this you will be amazed at the results. Think of the difference just listening could make in your relationship with your spouse, children and employees.

Being present is one of the greatest gifts you have to give.

What about you?

Do you struggle to listen?

On the other hand, do you struggle to be heard?

How to you plan to be fully present with someone this week?

“The world is what we think it is. If we can change our thoughts we can change the world” H.M. Tomlison

A funny thing about attitudes is that they are as contagious as colds. We truly tend to catch whichever ones we surround ourselves with most. No one is immune.

I have often found myself in a circle of negativity fully participating in the downtrodden conversation about how terrible this or that or him or she is. Soon thereafter upon reflection, I often end up feeling a genuine sense of shame that I chose to take part and more importantly chose to enable.

There was a day during my chemotherapy that served as perhaps the best reminder. I was sitting quietly in the waiting room before the start of my treatments when the nurse came in to get the gentleman sitting next to me. This guy was in obvious pain and poor health. The nurse asked, “How are you today?” Without missing a beat he replied, “Wonderful! My eyes opened this morning and the Lord has blessed me with another day”

How great it would be if we could all see our lives this way? What if we could just jump out of bed every morning praising God for the new opportunity to honor Him through our actions and our thoughts? What if we could just move forward with positive passion through every challenge? How different life would be as a result of a change as simple as how we look at the world.

These questions have challenged me today and forced me to look deep into my heart. I hope the same for you. I am praying today that we can and some small way be sick on attitude together. Who knows, you just might start an epidemic

Seems like this last year I have done a pretty poor job of keeping up to post regularly here. Call it distractions, general busyness or perhaps just a lack of inspiration.

It seems so easy to get caught up in the malaise of life’s routine. While in a crises or nearing the completion of some great objective motivation abounds but in times of plenty it can be hard to move forward and easy to slow down.

The hardest of times for me are when things are going well. That is when it is easy to forget to take time to be alone with God. That is when it is easy to take time to forget to tell loved ones how much I care. That is when it is easy for me to skip the gym or have that extra piece of pie. These little things in the end add up to a time of greatest danger. After all, life is a series of storms and the good times are simply an eye before the next one.

Therefore I am mostly writing to myself today as a simple reminder to stay strong and to stay steadfast.

If you are in a time of passivity I would like to challenge you to rattle the bars and break through to a new goal. Now is the time to buy the rain gear for surely a storm is coming.

My son recently turned 14 which means he is just a very short time away from him being car eligible. My first car was a 1974 Pontiac Ventura that I paid $400 for and then had painted a beautiful metallic blue. (see picture). Really it was a piece of junk and given my non-existent mechanical skills I was certainly no help to make it better but the car did do the job to get me from A to B. The good news also was that it was so bad I did not have to worry about spending extra gas to drive friends around.

Now with the son just a couple of years from car age the dilemma of how to handle this is very much on the family radar. A car payment, $3.50+ a gallon gas and outrageous car insurance has the potential to be a tremendous burden especially with college tuition on the way soon too.

Just the other day I saw a picture of a friend of mine’s daughter standing next to a beautiful brand new Dodge Charger and it got me to thinking about the pros and cons of how a car at 16 is handled by parents. Our son knows and has known for years there is no chance he will get a new car at 16. It is not economically viable for us even if we want to do so and if it can’t be paid for in cash it is out of the question.

I posted a question about this topic on Twitter recently to get some feedback. “Is it wrong to get a new car for a kid on 16th Bday? What do you think?”

Here are some of the responses:

@signs2uOK It’s not wrong if you are trying to compensate for not having a relationship with them, otherwise YES

@megancox I got a new car. Not on my 16th but after & yes my parents now seem crazy for doing that.We lived far outside of town so me having a car helped with driving to practices but I don’t think a new car was wise. I never wrecked though. Ha!

@okcblueyes I think it is wrong in so many ways

@Donaldohse Very wrong. Kid will just abuse it cause they don’t know what it is worth

@sparrowApril for sure, they won’t appreciate if start with a new car. My 1st car 2 years younger than me, 2nd care 2 years older w/AC

@tkmuskrat yup. I won’t be doing that for my kids and I got a beater for my first car. LOL

@ScouterKWC we did what our parents did. Get a part time job, pay for it yourself. They learn a lot of valuable life lessons that way.

@nf8m no one-size-fits-all but in general, what’s given isn’t valued as much as what is earned

@okcholloway huge waste of money. Sign of trying to buy happiness for your child to me. They won’t appreciate it as much as having to work for it.

@okcscouterhurtt a kid’s first car should be at least as old as his or her parent

@cgorshing so much wrongness—don’t know where to start

@_nichole My parents wanted us to have cars…made their lives easier. Not nice cars but safe affordable cars. That being said…I didn’t get a car until I had a parking spot at school which was 6 months later.

This is a great parenting topic for sure. I had a clunker but I also had friends with brand new cars. My concerns with a new car are twofold. Will a 16 appreciate the actual value of the car if she or he had little or no effort to obtain it? Are parents creating an additional family debt burden through the purchase when perhaps the money should be funneled to retirement, debt reduction or college?

Every family has a different point of personal reference when it comes to this topic and of course individual economic situations also play a factor as well as the maturity of the teen.

So….What are your thoughts? Is it wrong to get a new car for a kid on 16th Bday? What do you think?

What parameters do you think parents should set to determine teen car ownership?

Leave a comment here and share your opinion. I would love to see a bit of pro/con debate and I know others will learn from what you have to say.

Yesterday was the first day of high school for Conner and he turns 14 today. It just amazes me to think that we are now parents of high school kid. It really seems like yesterday when Michelle and I were changing diapers and taking turns with late night feedings. Now we take turns as a shuttle service from activity to activity and the late night feedings are more along the lines of trips to Peachwave. We know that soon even that will end with a car or at least buddies with cars.

Our journey through parenthood has been an incredible one and we honestly could not have asked for a better child. God has truly blessed our family.

Son—These next few years are going to be an amazing time for you. Our prayer as your mom and dad is that you will live a life of boldness. A life founded on a steadfast belief in Christ, in yourself, in serving others, in hard work, in education and in personal honor.

You will question who you are and you will be faced with many pressures you have not experienced before these next several years. I know there will be times when you will have doubts. I know there will be times when your heart will break. I know there will be times when you will fail. This is all okay and is to be expected.

I also know that God has an incredible plan for you that he decided well before the earth even formed. Now is the start of your time! It is your chance to fully step out into the man you want to be. The kind of man that does what is right even when it may hurt and the kind of man that has respect for others even when they may seem so different from you. You can be bold by not being afraid to take risks and by choosing your own path. We challenge you to be a positive influence on the world around you and always strive to give your best everyday.

No matter what these years bring you can count on the fact that your God and your family will be here for you through thick and thin.

We are proud to be your parents and are thankful for the joy you bring to our lives.

Love—Mom & Dad