Family Leadership

Being Present for the Holidays

~ David C.

The holidays are here and many people will take end of the year vacation time away from work to be with family and friends. My company has a use it or lose it policy and I have several peers that are taking days and still losing time.

I know that many folks that are technically off will still find themselves working every day by responding to e-mails, attending meetings and checking performance numbers. Managers are important people with many others depending upon them. At the same time, I think there is no more important job than that of a mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, brother, sister and friend.

Jobs are temporary but your family should be forever.

It took me a long time to learn this lesson and realize that it was hurting my family and ultimately my performance at work by not truly disconnecting from time to time. Here are some ideas that have worked for me:

• Chose a POC to be in your place when gone. This requires empowering the person to make any needed decision. Set this person up for success with good information and your confidence. Let her know that you will stand by whatever decision is made. This can turn out to be great development for the person and a motivator for the team as they see others being developed.

• Turn off e-mail. The e-mail icon with a growing number can be a terrible temptation. Turning off the sync feature will keep you from sneaking a peak and helps reduce the stress of knowing there is so much waiting.

• Still need to read e-mail? Schedule yourself time when it does not interfere with the family and commit to using that time only. I do this by blocking an hour very early in the morning and again late in the afternoon.

• Put the phone down! Believe it or not the world is not going to end if you put your phone away for an entire day. Give to your spouse if you just can’t resist.

• Set a no electronics time for the entire family. Make it known that you are committing to this and that you want everyone to join.

• Be an example! When you as a manager still overtly work when off, it sends a subtle message to the team that off is not really off. Many will think they must do the same and stay connected when away. Your folks work hard and deserve a leader that cares as much about their away time as their here at work time.

Material stuff is great but in many ways the greatest gift you can give those around you this holiday season is to be fully present with them. Do it now before you find yourself someday alone with only your e-mail as a friend. Pretty hard to get a hug from e-mail huh?

What about you? How do you disconnect from work and connect with the family when off? Got any tips to share?

Lance Armstrong Lied. A survivor’s perspective

~ David C.
With Lance in 1999

Finally I have come to openly accept that Lance Armstrong cheated during his reign as the Tour De France champion and as the allegations spread over the years he engaged in a fierce campaign of denial to protect his reputation, his legacy and his foundation. Whew that hurts to write yet at the same time also feels good to face the truth openly.

There is a big part of me that did not want to ever admit to what happened. Deep inside I wanted to him to remain on the pedestal his legend created. After all, Lance and I did go through our cancer experiences around the same time. I even met him in person back in 1999 as I too was working on my personal comeback from cancer to start a life changed forever by the experience. Like millions of others, I wore the bracelet and felt inspired as he won tour after tour. Most of all, I saw firsthand the inspiration and good work that would become Livestrong.org.
Now thanks to piles of undeniable evidence my one time hero has fallen and my defense for him has come to an end. I want to believe that he did not do it. I want to believe that it was not all just a lie.  I want to believe Lance was a product of his cancer experience not of a sophisticated marketing machine. I want to believe that no man could look a balding child of cancer in the eye and lie. I want to believe in the Lance Armstrong that inspired so many people to do more and so many survivors to Livestrong.

Unfortunately the facts far exceed the want of my heart.

Wish I could sit down one on one with Lance and ask him to tell the truth but I am not sure even he knows what that truth is anymore. Lies are like that. We sometimes tell them so often and with so much passion that we grow to believe them ourselves. The hole becomes so deep that there is just no way to crawl out of the darkness that has enveloped us into the light of truth. This is especially true when the lie of the moment seems to be helping others be better and to do more.

Like with his return from cancer, Lance once again is in a position to show courage and move to the front of life as an inspiration to others. He can do this by admitting he indeed is human like the rest of us and he made a mistake. We are so used to people on pedestals falling that I know most would find forgiveness for him.

Lance—Show your courage again and just tell the truth. Only then can you move forward continue to help the millions of people that look to you for inspiration. Be human and you will be forgiven.

Meanwhile, I will keep on surviving and striving to remember the lessons cancer taught me.  I will press forward and I will strive to Livestrong.

What do you think?

Does it matter to you that Lance and his team led a complex system of cheating?

Do you think he should admit the truth?

Do you think the 1,000 pages of evidence are still not enough to convince you that he doped?

Do you stink?

~ David C.

“If you learn unhappiness too well you will get good at it”



David after 11 days on the trail

 This is a great slap in the face quote I heard recently from one of my favorite podcasters. The point was that the more time we spend unhappy then the more we will become comfortable with it.

I went on an 11 day hiking trip this summer and one of the rules was that we were not allowed to wear deodorant due to it being a smellable that could potentially attract bears. I wondered before the trip if an attack from a bear would be better than the smell of a group of unwashed and un-deodorized teen boys. Whew!

I realized on the trail this was not going to be a problem since we very quickly got used to our own smells and soon none of us noticed the stink. Things changed quickly however upon my return home when suddenly the smells that had surrounded me without notice attacked the senses much like a rampaging bear. Of course much of this was due to the equally powerful remarks from my repulsed wife that was thankfully working hard to launder and restore our gear back to pre-trip freshness. Thankfully we had taken showers before leaving camp so at least she was spared that little piece of goodness.

Unhappiness is a lot like our stink. Over time the things that smell up our lives can become so much an accepted part of us that we just move on and hardly notice.  We accept that our marriage will never be great, we will always be broke, we will never be close to our children and our jobs will always suck. To make matters worse, we often travel with a stinky crowd that accepts all of this just as the norm.

The reality is that it is way easier just to keep moving forward with things as they are verses taking the time to scrub away the mediocrity that is holding us back. Many of us also do not have a good friend that can look us square in the eye and say, “dude you stink!”

Fortunately for me have my wife, church, friends and others that are willing to crawl into my heart and let me know when a change is needed. For better or worse, I am also my own worst critic and seldom cut myself a break.

What about you? Do you have friend standing by with a good bar of soap? Have you and your partner set proper ground rules to ensure your feedback is out of love and not out of hurt? Do you take time to look deep inside to make sure you are not working to be a champion of unhappiness.

If not maybe it is time to turn a new direction and start that PhD of inner peace. Just don’t look back at that bear and get to running.

Glory Days?

~ David C.


I am turning 45 in a couple of weeks and that has put me in a bit of a reflective mood I guess. It really did not help that one of my magazines had an article this month about starting the second half of your life at 45. Next while checking my Roth this week realized I am only 15 years away from 60! I know there is a midlife crises phenomenon that many people experience around this time as they seek to create new achievements or to return to old glory days.

Funny thing is that I happen to think I am living my glory days right now with more to come in the future. I have a great job, loving wife (beautiful too BTW), amazing teenage son, and a full plate of volunteer work with kids that help make life fun.

There are many great days behind me and I am sure there are even better days ahead. For sure there are big changes with our son soon off to college and a new stage in our married life as empty nesters.

I am excited about the future and genuinely thankful to wake up to a new day every morning even if I have pain in places that used to never hurt and hair in places that never used to be hairy. What’s up with the ear hair anyway?

So bring it on 45 and beyond. I am very happy to be here and excited for every new day!

Really I do not care if you are 45, 14 or 94. It should be a joy in the morning to know you have made it to a new day with a new chance to honor God and to make a difference in this world.

Get out there friends and don’t let this day pass you by!

What has happened to us?

~ David C.

A ran across this video from Tony DeShare recently. It was really cool to see these wonderful proposals and the joy on their faces as they take that great first official step to marriage. It did not take long though for the little cynic voice in my head to jump in and remind me that statistically more than half of these journeys will end in divorce. Many of these will also have the added tragedy of a split family with children torn in the middle

Why is it that so often things go wrong? My marriage is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I know that Michelle is my wife for life no matter what challenge we may face in the future. We are in this together and work hard to make sure our relationship continues to grow.

Now I do not want to throw stones in my glass house. What I do want to do is especially encourage my guy friends out there. Love your wife, never stop pursuing and hold on to that joyful feeling you had in those early days.

Watch the video closely and remember.

Heck, maybe even stop on the way home from work today, grab her some flowers and say while on your knees, “Even _____years later, I am so glad you said yes to me”

So tell us fellas–What tips do you have for keeping a strong and joyful marriage?

So tell us ladies—What tips do you have for us guys?

I am Gladiator

~ David C.

Have you ever seen the movie Gladiator? It is one of my all-time favorites and I have watched it many times. The lead character Maximus is one of those guys every man would wish to be. He is a true man’s man that is willing to die in the name of honor as he seeks to avenge the death of his beloved Emperor and family.

My favorite scene in the movie takes place as Maximus is standing in line with the other Gladiators awaiting his first fight in the grand coliseum of Rome. Slowly he rubs some soil in his hands and soon after a terrified man in front of him pees on himself out of fear.

There is no fear in the heart of Maximus. Instead, there is a steadfast resolve to face whatever challenge waits on the other side of the gate.

Soon after the epic arena battle has been won the evil Emperor and murderer of his family asks “who are you?”

And here is his famous answer:

In many ways, I see this as a picture for the battle that is our lives. Every day we are stepping into an arena full of enemies and obstacles seeking our destruction. Every day is a battle to be faced and fought with full abandon.

The only way to win is to truly know with every inch of ourselves who we are and why we are here. Only then can we face it all with a conviction so strong that we would rather die than give up who God intended us to be.

At the end of my life, I want to die fully spent knowing that I gave it all for what was really important in this world.

I am Gladiator!

I am husband, father, and servant. I connect people to success. I live my life with passion, persistence and joy.

Do you know who you are?

Leave them better than you found them

~ David C.

No Troop 168 campout is complete without a police line through the entire area where we have been camping and gathering over the weekend. The Scouts form a line and walk across the area slowly looking to pick up every scrap of trash along the way. The goal is to leave the area looking even better than it was before we arrived. The phrase “Leave it better than we found it!” can be heard at the end of almost every outing as the Scouts prepare for cleanup.

As the Scouts walk slowly, there is also a designated person that no one is to pass. This ensures the line stays relatively straight and that everyone has time to thoroughly check the area. If trash is found after the line has completed the job then guess what happens next? You are right! They do the whole thing over again.

“Leave it better than we found it” is not an official Scout saying like “Be Prepared” or “Do a good turn daily” but to me it is just as striking

How different things would be if we strived to ensure we leave every person we have contact with better than we found them. What if we took that extra moment just to open our hearts and ask a friend, co-worker or stranger, “How are you today?” What if this question was followed with a few moments of real listening?

How different things would be if we just traveled through our day with a genuine smile on our face as an outward expression of the joy we feel inside about another opportunity to make a positive difference?

What if we never moved forward in life without checking the line to make sure everyone is moving forward and has a true sense of belonging?

For me at least, I know I could do a much better job serving the world around me to in some small way leave it better than I have found it.

What about you?

Dad reacts to a teen’s post on Facebook

~ David C.

It looks like this video has just gone nuts on the internet this week with views, comments and debates. Clearly this father is angry with his daughter’s Facebook reaction to her family’s rules. Just as clearly when you read the comments that are flying in as reaction this has struck a chord with many people. I guess I am most surprised by the many words of support that other youth are leaving for the dad.

What do you think? Was it appropriate for the dad to do this? Has it opened your eyes a bit to the danger of social media when people post emotions and have public family quarrels?

Is this a loving father demonstrating consequences for actions or a reaction that helps demonstrate the root of the teen’s frustration?

I am curious to know what you think.

Why we have two ears

~ David C.

“God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should listen twice as much as we talk”

In my professional life I worked as a leadership skills trainer for several years. One of my favorite and to this day most impactful courses were the ones that discussed listening skills. This is been a hot leadership topic for years and back then we did not have the additional distractions of today with instant messages, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Angry Birds and a whole slew of other things in our hands beckoning for attention.

It seems now more than ever that listening to others is a skill that people are losing. You see it all the time with teenagers that are sitting together but the entire time instead of talking they are tapping away at something on their phone. Adults my age are just as bad. Just a few weeks ago I was at a birthday party for a good friend and noticed more than half the folks there were on their phones a great deal of the time vs. enjoying the conversation and company of each other.

I know I am certainly not immune to this as well. I cannot tell you how many hours I have wasted engaged in a twitter conversation or game of word feud while at the same time sitting on the couch or in a restaurant with my family. This is quite shameful really when I think about it.

When was the last time you had someone put their entire self into just being there for you and listening to what you had to say?

I call this being fully present. It is treating this moment and this conversation as it were the most important conversation in the history of conversations. Well, that is a little creepy but you know where I am going with this.

So how can we be fully present?

Eliminate distractions—Turn away from the computer, put down the device and don’t answer the phone if it rings

Listen with your eyes—there is power in eye contact. If you turn and concentrate intently on the speaker they will know you think what they are saying is important

Listen with your heart—People often are communicating something to you beyond the words they may be speaking. It is only when fully present with open hearts as well as ears that we can understand someone else.

Remember it is not about you—Sure, maybe you could care less about the random story the 12 year old may be telling you but to that kid (or adult) it may in their mind be very important. By simply listening, you may turn out to be the only person that ever really shows you care for this person and that my friend is very powerful.

Shut up! Most people don’t listen and instead are just waiting for their turn to speak next. It is only when you give up yourself that you can understand the other person.

My challenge to you is to dedicate one day to being fully present with others and use every interaction as an opportunity to really listen. I know if you do this you will be amazed at the results. Think of the difference just listening could make in your relationship with your spouse, children and employees.

Being present is one of the greatest gifts you have to give.

What about you?

Do you struggle to listen?

On the other hand, do you struggle to be heard?

How to you plan to be fully present with someone this week?

Lucky 13!

~ David C.

12/24 is my 13th anniversary since completing my final cancer treatment. Those days seem so long ago and at the same time are completely etched into who I am. Every year at this time I think of the blessing that is my wonderful life. I am thankful for my continued good health, the joy of my family, the amazing Scouts, my job and most of all the love of my Lord. Once again I hope to honor this time by making the most of it every day.

I hope you too will pause at some point over the next few days imagine your life as it really is. It is life worth living with gusto and passion. It is a life that should be filled with laughter, love and adventure. Most of all, it is a life that should be dedicated to being a positive servant to those around you.

We only get one chance to impact this world and I hope your life however long makes a difference!

Merry Christmas!